What are the early signs of problem gambling?

I want to share my personal experience because I was your friend about three years ago, and having someone who cared enough to say something was the thing that ultimately saved me. I started with sports betting — just small bets on weekend football matches. Within six months, I was betting on every match in every league, and within a year I had moved to online casino games because I needed the instant gratification that waiting for match results could not provide.

The signs were all there, but I could not see them myself. I was spending my lunch breaks at work checking odds and placing bets. I had three different betting accounts so my girlfriend would not see the total amounts on any single bank statement. I was irritable on days when I could not gamble and I was constantly checking my phone. I told myself it was just a hobby, that I was "in control," and that I could stop anytime I wanted — classic denial. The turning point for me was when my best mate sat me down over a beer and very simply said, "I have been watching you for a while and I think gambling is taking over your life. I am not judging you, but I am worried."

That conversation did not fix everything overnight. In fact, I was angry at him for about a week. But his words planted a seed that I could not ignore. Two weeks later, I called the National Problem Gambling Helpline and started attending Gamblers Anonymous meetings. I have been in recovery for two and a half years now. My advice to you, Sophie, is to have the conversation. Your friend might react badly, but that seed of awareness could be the most important gift you ever give him. Just make sure he knows you are coming from a place of love, not criticism.

I went through almost the exact same situation with a close friend of mine about two years ago, so I understand the mix of concern and helplessness you are feeling right now. My friend was a poker player who started playing "just for fun" at home games and gradually transitioned to online poker, then online slots, then live casino games. The escalation was gradual enough that by the time the rest of us noticed, she was already in significant debt.

The approach that worked for me was not a single dramatic conversation but rather a series of small, caring check-ins over several weeks. I started by simply asking how she was doing — genuinely, not about gambling. I made myself available as someone she could talk to without judgment. When she eventually started opening up about feeling stressed about money, I gently mentioned that I had noticed she seemed to be gambling more than before and asked if she thought the two things might be connected. Because I had built up that foundation of trust and support first, she did not feel attacked.

One thing I would strongly recommend is also taking care of yourself during this process. Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally exhausting, and it is not your responsibility to fix them. There are support groups specifically for friends and family of problem gamblers — GamAnon is one. Set boundaries about lending money (I learned that the hard way) and remember that you cannot force someone to get help. All you can do is let them know you care, share the resources, and be there when they are ready to take the first step.

As a former problem gambler who has been in recovery for four years now, I can tell you exactly which signs I missed in myself and which ones I wish someone had pointed out to me earlier. The very first sign — the one that came before all the financial problems and the lying — was that gambling stopped being fun and started being something I needed to do. There is a massive difference between choosing to gamble for entertainment and feeling compelled to gamble to feel normal. When I was not gambling, I felt anxious and empty. The moment I placed a bet, even before I knew the outcome, I felt relief. That shift from "want" to "need" is the earliest and most critical warning sign.

The second sign I wish I had recognized was chasing losses. This is the belief that if you just keep playing, you will eventually win back what you have lost. It sounds irrational when you write it out, but in the moment it feels completely logical. I would lose $100 and immediately think, "I just need one good win to get back to even." That one good win would require another deposit, then another, then another. I once spent an entire evening chasing a $50 loss and ended up losing $800. The math never works in your favor, but the emotional pull is incredibly powerful.

The third sign was what I call "gambling math" — this is when you start calculating your finances based on future wins rather than current reality. I would think things like, "I can afford to skip this bill payment because I will win it back this weekend." Or I would mentally spend money I had not won yet, planning what I would do "when" I hit a big win, not "if." If your friend is talking about future gambling wins as though they are guaranteed income, that is a major red flag. Sophie, the fact that your friend is borrowing money and getting defensive tells me he is probably further along than he realizes. Please do not wait to have that conversation.

I am a licensed therapist who specializes in behavioral addictions, so I want to add a clinical perspective to the excellent personal accounts already shared here. From a mental health standpoint, gambling disorder shares many neurological similarities with substance use disorders. The brain's reward system — particularly the dopamine pathways — becomes dysregulated in the same way. This is why problem gambling is not simply a matter of willpower or self-control. It is a recognized mental health condition that often requires professional treatment.

One behavioral warning sign that is often overlooked is cognitive distortions related to gambling. These include the "gambler's fallacy" (believing that a series of losses means a win is "due"), illusion of control (believing that skill can influence random outcomes like slot machines), and selective memory (remembering wins vividly while minimizing or forgetting losses). If your friend frequently talks about being "due for a win" or describes near-misses as "almost winning" rather than losing, these are signs that problematic thinking patterns have developed.

Another important indicator is whether gambling is being used as an emotional coping mechanism. Many problem gamblers are actually self-medicating underlying conditions like depression, anxiety, ADHD, or trauma. The excitement of gambling temporarily alleviates negative feelings, creating a cycle of emotional dependence. In therapy, we often find that addressing the underlying mental health condition is essential for long-term recovery from gambling disorder. If your friend seems to gamble more during stressful periods or when he is feeling down, this pattern strongly suggests emotional gambling rather than recreational gambling. I would encourage him to speak with a mental health professional who specializes in gambling disorders — Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has shown particularly strong results in treating this condition.